Dear Mama Pulling Her Hair Out,
You are not special. And that’s a good thing! I’m about to tell you why…
Your kids are no worse than anyone else’s (and if they are that’s on you – barring any medical issues of course).
You do not have any less hours in a day than any other mom out there.
Your spouse / SO does not help any less than other husbands / wives / SOs out there and if they do, again, that’s on you.
- The level of chaos and stress in your life is directly related to how you react to your circumstances
- The level of stress and chaos in your life is directly related to the effort you put in to reducing it.
Here’s what I think: There are 3 types of mamas out there in terms of how they operate their lives…
- The Wallower
She has given into the notion that her life will exist in chaos all of the time. She will go grey early. She will be out of shape, eat poorly and will throw a pity party for herself whenever she gets the chance. It will take a serious force to pull her out of this hole…But I think she likes it there because it gets her attention.
- The Tightroper
She teeters between chaos and organization. She researches ways to de-clutter her house, sleep-train her baby, meal prep and get abs in 10 minutes. She starts all of these projects with gusto but when she encounters resistance or obstacles she gives up easily…and then reverts to the chaos. But she doesn’t ever entirely give up, she’s always trying something new, she keeps making attempts but never feels like anything will really stick.
3. The “I Have Time For Wine at Night” Mom
Let me be clear, this is not the Pinterest Mom. That mom actually fits into one of these 3 categories. Just because she can bake a cake to look like Big Bird and pay $3,000 dollars for a 2 year old’s birthday doesn’t mean she has an organized, clutter-free and balanced life. But this mom does! She has figured out what works for her family through trial and error…whether that’s been with Google’s help or talking to Grandma. She sticks with new things long enough to know if they really work and if they don’t, she tweaks it until it does. She doesn’t quit. She doesn’t give up. She knows life can be more fun, more organized and more productive than it currently is. It hasn’t been easy for her, she doesn’t just have an easy baby or a husband that helps out more than others. She’s worked hard for this and hasn’t bitched about it along the way (now you see why it seems like it’s been easy).
So, the question is, which mom are you?
Which mom do you want to be?
How can you get there?
Figure out your end goal in the areas that give you the most anxiety and dive head in head first.
Commit to them. Have a plan for how long you will stick with systems, methods, trials. And then, have a plan B if they don’t work. Do this until you have a solution.
Here’s a great example of how this can work:
I have a 4 month-old. I wanted her to have a set bedtime routine and I wanted her to go to bed at the same time as her sister.
- I tried nursing her until she fell asleep and laying her in her crib. That took 2 hours for her to fall asleep by nursing. No thanks.
- I tried doing this in front of the TV so I wouldn’t be dying of boredom. This negated the entire feeling of bedtime to me.
- I tried giving her a bath to chill her out and then nursing her in her room. Nope, still 2 hours of nursing.
- I tried having my husband give her a bottle in her room. She passed out too soon and then didn’t sleep through the night.
- We tried giving her a bottle in the living room with the TV on and then carry her up and put her in her crib. BINGO!!
- So now the routine is that we bathe our toddler, put her to bed then immediately give the baby a bottle and lay her down. Both kids are asleep by 8:30.
Case in point is that I had an end goal I made a plan and tweaked it along the way to make it work.
THIS IS YOUR CALL TO ACTION! Pick an area of anxiety and chaos in your life. Pick an end goal. Start the path to get there.
BE THE FEET-UP-WINE-IN-HAND MAMA!!